I think we have all played or think we’ve been a ‘victim’ at some point in time. When we do this, however, we give away our only power. The only thing we human beings do have control over is choice based on thought. So to see ourselves as victimized by someone else, is self demeaning. We become a “candle in the wind, never knowing what to cling to when the rain sets in.” [thank you Elton John]
What does the victim sound like? Look like? How can you tell if you are BEING a victim or if someone else is? Feel free to add to this list. Once you recognize any of these things in yourself, you can DO something about it. Or not. Recognizing it in another allows you to step back and give them grace. The victim is totally unaware that they have any power to begin with.
- The abusive person will say “you made me hit you.” They pretend that the abused has victimized the abuser. So the abuser makes themselves a victim.
- I was late because of the traffic (or the rain, or the dog, or school). No, you were late because you didn’t plan properly or give yourself enough fudge time to be on time.
- I can’t do what I said because I’m too busy. No, you get to say what things you will do and will not do. This is a poor justification for not keeping your Word.
- I got a failing grade because the teacher doesn’t like me. No, you got the failing grade because you did not step up to the plate and do the work.
- No one likes me! No, as many like you as do not like you. You must like yourself first and then those who like you will be by your side.
- I’m out of money because the landlord is greedy and charges too much for rent. No, you chose to live there and pay that rent. It has nothing to do with the landlord.
- I couldn’t leave to meet you because my client wouldn’t leave. No, you tell the client how much time you have and get up out of your seat at the appointed time.
- I can’t do that because I’ve failed before. Failure is learning … not for the victim however. The Victim loves proving that they ARE a victim!
- You just ticked me off! No, you ALLOWED yourself to be ticked off.
- I can’t go to my job interview because I’m low on gas and it is SO expensive! No, it is your job to manage your gas tank. Poor planning has you with not enough gas.
Bottom line: The Victim takes zero responsibility for their own actions and their own life. They are the patsy for every one and every thing. They operate on the very lowest level of awareness … fight or flight, purely reactive. They can muster an excuse in a heartbeat!
What are some other examples you can share?
©Leslie Flowers April 2012, exponential personal growth expert, helps mature women re-engineer their lives following a whole life shock. You may read her archived voluminous personal growth teachings — Drops of Awareness — at PathsofChange.com, which house each step on her own path of change over the past 10 years. You can catch Leslie’s workshop ‘Believe~2~Succeed’ on Friday May 11. DETAILS.
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