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You Don’t Need to Know the Answer

November 1, 2012 By

We live in a scared, angry, and confused world right now. There are a lot of business owners struggling to figure out how to sell their products. There are unemployed people struggling to find work. The struggle is almost always unnecessary; there are millions of people who simply haven’t recognized the nature of the real problem. We have a tendency to look for answers and solutions, when in fact, what we need is a connection.

A connection is not a sales lead, a business card, or a phone number. A connection is not a Twitter follower. A connection is not an opt-in to an e-mail distribution list. A connection is heart-to-heart. You know you’ve made a connection when somebody says, “I’m listening,” “I’ve got your back,” “I believe in your vision,” “I care,” or “Is there any way I can help?”

I remember one particularly dark evening in 2009. I was in complete distress. My finances were a disaster. I had no idea what I was going to do. I remember talking to a close friend who lived in Atlanta. She asked me what was going on. I quietly told her that I was scared to death, and I started crying. She didn’t say anything for that moment, but it was a deep and meaningful kind of silence. I don’t remember what was said after that or how the conversation went. But my friend revealed herself to be a true friend. She didn’t have the solution to my problems, but she empathized with me so fully and so completely that I no longer felt like I was alone. In that moment, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

There have been other times when my true friends have helped me indirectly in this same way. I can’t explain exactly how it works, but when I don’t feel alone with my problems, it’s like my personal power comes back on after a blackout. I stop feeling sorry for myself and start thinking clearly again. I stop thinking about doom and gloom, and I start seeing clear, practical action steps. I stop sinking into the quicksand and I start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In 2007, when I started to get out from behind the computer and connect with people, I was able to see new meaning and purpose for my life. It was these simple connections that motivated me to change my eating habits, lose 40 pounds, and stop smoking. I didn’t find new answers or solutions. I just discovered a new reason to make use of the answers I already knew.

It’s unfortunate that people go to business networking groups and never move past the superficial cocktail-party shallowness of “what do you do?” conversations. Frankly, I’d be happy if no one ever asked me “what do you do” again. My closest friends don’t need to ask me for a business card, because they already have my number in their phones and I already have theirs. In my opinion, the purpose of any networking activity—or any group, for that matter—is to create deep connections and drive those connections deeper.

Deep connections save lives, restore marriages, build trust, and fulfill dreams. Those are the kinds of connections we all need more of. The next time you find yourself wondering how to solve a problem, consider what would happen if, instead, you focused your energy on deepening your connections. I promise you that if you deepen your connections, the answer will present itself. It will be a better answer than you ever would have come up with on your own.

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In Home Care: How to Answer Questions When You Have No Answers

October 16, 2012 By

Sometimes, as we care for those who are elderly or seriously ill in their homes, we are there without a physician or other experienced professional who might normally be expected to have “official” answers. We are there on our own, either as a family member or a home care worker. What do we do?

In a book entitled, “Solace, How Caregivers and Others Can Relate, Listen, and Respond Effectively to a Chronically Ill Person”, by Walter St. John, Ed.D, there are fifty-nine separate chapters with great ideas for working with the ill or elderly. One of these chapters is on this topic and offers some useful suggestions. Offered here are ideas learned from this reference as well as my own experience.

When Someone Asks a Question

It is so important, if someone is depending on you or home-bound and unable to seek answers independently, that their need be honored. At times it is almost as important that a person asking a question is listened to and understood. If you do not have an answer to the question itself, it is still possible to listen and love.

When you use good listening skills you might repeat back the question in your own words. This would convey that you heard clearly and you understood that this is important to the person you are wishing to help. The ill or elderly person you are helping with in home care will know you cared enough to listen. If your understanding is incorrect, then they could correct it and clarify. You can help the person feel that their questions are important to you.

Your face, rather than responding with shock or confusion, could simply show love and compassion. How often we reveal our doubt, judgment or concern with a facial expression. Our reaction to an odd or difficult question can easily offend or confuse. If one’s heart is determined to love, then we can hear words without taking unintended offense, and we can focus on the needs of the questioner.

When You Just Do Not Know an Answer

In the case of a chronically ill person, or someone facing death or serious uncertainty about ever walking or doing “normal” actions they have done all their lives, the questions may be very serious ones. You may just not know the answer. How do you respond?

Honesty is better than making up an answer or telling lies, even “white ones”. Say that you do not know, honestly, in a caring tone. You can explain that you will try to find out for them, and then do that. Be sure to keep that promise if you make the offer.

Often people can tell if you are not being honest. If you think about whether you are doing this for their benefit or your own comfort, you may find your way with your heart. You are here to help another soul. Listen to them and watch their responses to have clues about how they are reacting to you.

If the person is capable of such investigation, then you can offer to research this together and proceed to do so. If you say when you will do this, then keep your promise within the timeframe you offer.

Some Answers are Too Difficult

“What is death like?” How could you answer that? Maybe it is more important to assure the person that their concerns or fears are being heard and you wish to give them comfort that they are not alone. You can call in a spiritual support person to provide answers compatible with the person’s belief system. An in home caregiver can ask that a medical professional be consulted, and ask them to explain to both of you together. And sometimes no one has the answer. Reassurance of love, support, and companionship may be the best answer at times like that.

A Story About “Learning of Death Together”

This true story was offered by a colleague:

“It was time, sitting together in the hospital, to face the real truth. My Dad wanted to know what was going on. When would he go home and get back to normal? The truth was that he would never recover.

“I called in the doctors and the social worker and the care worker and we talked – had a meeting around the hospital bed with everyone sitting down at the same height as my Dad rather than talking down to him. They explained about oxygen, heart, and lungs. They answered his questions honestly. He heard them and took the information in. I asked them to tell the truth. They did.

“In our time together afterwards, we assured him that we would be with him throughout, no matter what, and that he was not alone and would not be left alone. He asked about details. His mind was clear and he was an intelligent person and needed to know. He was capable of processing this information and thinking about it. Telling him now actually gave him the time to think about it.

“The benefit of this came a couple weeks later, as we were experiencing his last couple days. I could be honest with him. It felt good. We were not pretending. Nothing was ‘fake’. I could look him in the eye and tell him we would miss him. We could hug genuinely. We could use those last moments to say things that needed to be shared.

“With his intelligence, he was able to face things better than if we had misled him or given him false expectations. He took the time to prepare himself. It felt good that we gave him that chance.”

Every situation is not like this. Long-term illnesses have different challenges. We can respond by honoring the fact that a person has their own intelligence and mind, and giving them time to work with truth and to work with you to go forward the best they can. Be sure, though, that you keep your commitment that they are not going through this alone. For the times you can’t be with them, provide an in home caregiver who understands your wish that the emotional care of your loved one is honored as much as the physical care.

 

Jaleh Neshat is the owner of “Homecare Assistance Raleigh NC” which provides in home care for families in the Raleigh area. Their “Balanced Care MethodTM” caregivers provide emotional, social, nutritional, and physical care.

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Need Cash Now? Is Networking the Answer?

May 30, 2012 By

Years ago a friend asked me to lunch. She had a problem and wanted my recommendation.

The problem was she needed cash within 10 days!All her resources would be absolutely gone at that time! No matter ‘why,’ as many reach this point and are faced with similar challenges.

While she had interviewed for one job that looked pretty good, she opened her day timer to show me almost every single week day was filled that week and the next and the next with networking meetings!

She was really proud of her work and her appointments. It did look impressive!

She explained she had been ‘networking like crazy.’ I could tell.

But the issue … no cash on hand, was my concern.

“If you need cash,” I asked, “why are you networking ‘like crazy?’ Will these meetings (typically first one-on-one after meeting at an event) bring you cash in 10 days?” “No,” she said. She seemed a bit surprised at my questions. It was obvious to me.

“What will bring you cash in 10 days?” I asked. “Getting that j-o-b would do it,” she said!

I suggested she break every one of her engagements that week and the next, made via networking, erase them all out of her day planner, and focus her intention on getting that one job (and looking for others as plan B). I asked her if she thought calling the interviewer to follow up was a good idea (in lieu of all her one on ones).

She did precisely what I suggested, made the follow up call, got the job, and removed all the networking appointments. With the job she couldn’t meet them during the day anyway. Within 10 days she had her cash!

So when we need cash right now … networking is absolutely NOT the answer. Sometimes we need a friend to show us the very things we do not see for ourselves. Getting a job was the immediate answer. A job — any job!

Isn’t it fascinating how we get wrapped up in spending time networking when our focus might better serve us if we get focused on our immediate needs? Cash is a need. We have to eat.
Networking and one on ones may absolutely lead to cash, some day, one day, of course. I’m not suggesting never networking … but to objectively look at needs vs. wants and plow through needs first.

Like minded friends can help us keep wants and needs in perspective.

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Need more energy? Science discovers the answer lies within…

May 3, 2012 By

Have you ever experienced the “Need a cup of coffee to pick me up. Whoops, that donut/bagel crashing me down so I need another cup of coffee to pick me back up again.” syndrome? Have you ever wondered what you could do to just experience natural energy that lasts all day, yet allow you to rest and sleep soundly by bedtime? How about being able to get through the day with focus and clarity of thought, without that “foggy brain” feeling?

Think back to your youth. Do you remember going through that? You drank sodas or fruit juices all day and didn’t want to go to bed. Still, you went right to sleep, once you settled down that is. There was no need for caffeinated drinks, shots, gum or chews. You did not take taurine, B-12 shots or guarana (caffeine) to keep you going through the day. Why? Your body, hence your genes, were in a youthful state! What does that mean?

There is quite the buzz about aging lately in the media. In 2011, US News and World Report and Time Magazine reported on a surprising new insight connecting genes and aging. These news organizations are now reporting that our genes can be positively influenced and we can affect the way we age.

Since James Watson, Francis Crick, and Rosalind Franklin discovered the structure of DNA in 1953, the field of genetics has been advancing at an amazing rate. By 2003, the entire human genome had been sequenced, or decoded. From this advancement, we now know that humans have somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000 genes. About one tenth of those genes are involved in the regulation of expression of the rest. Our work today is to better understand how gene expression changes with age and how to externally influence it.

The latest technologies are making this task much more feasible. Now, on a single silicone chip about an inch square, we can measure the work output of a single gene in any tissue. By measuring this “work output,” we can track whether the created proteins are structural (like the collagen or the elastin in your skin) or enzymes, which catalyze all of the biochemical reactions that take place in your body. Therefore, we are now capable of measuring the aging process at the genetic level, and determining how external factors affect this process.

Simply put, we are now influencing aging at the genetic level. This is actually quite a liberating concept, and it’s not just hype. It turns out that even though we’ve been focusing on the DNA as the hardwired brain, or computer of the cell, we haven’t been considering the software portion of the equation. It’s this influencing of the “software” that sets one company apart with a technology called “ageLOC Science“.

Two presentations were made at the First World Congress on Targeting Mitochondria: Strategies, Innovation and Clinical Applications in Berlin. Our scientists presented research findings on how mental and physical vitality is improved through nutritional strategies that influence mitochondrial-related genetic expression. Two presentations were made at the First World Congress on Targeting Mitochondria: Strategies, Innovation and Clinical Applications in Berlin.

“Through our innovative ageLOC science, we have successfully identified groups of genes and multiple genetic pathways that play a role in the complex process of aging,” said Joe Chang, Ph.D., Chief Scientific Officer and Executive Vice President of Product Development. “Our most recent research focuses on improving physical, mental, and sexual vitality that declines through the normal aging process. Unlike others who employ single gene approaches, with our research partners, we have identified multiple genes that affect mitochondrial function and also validate natural ingredients that positively affect the expression of those genes, thereby impacting overall energy and vitality. We believe that research focused on multiple genes shown to affect the normal aging process is the optimal approach to develop effective anti-aging products.”

Improved Mental Vitality
At the congress, Senior Scientist Scott Ferguson presented “Targeting Age-Related Gene Expression Improves Mental and Physical Vitality” and highlighted studies with a patent-pending blend of ingredients to improve physical, mental, and sexual vitality. This blend was shown to reset mitochondrial-related gene expression to a more youthful state. In a pilot study on mental acuity, the blend significantly improved multiple attributes of cognitive function in men and women aged 28-50 over those taking a placebo.

Improved Physical Vitality
In a second study, Ferguson presented evidence that revealed improved energy levels in mice supplemented with the same proprietary ingredient blend as the mental acuity study. After seven weeks, physical endurance was improved in the supplemented group as compared to a placebo group. Furthermore, the scientists reported that, relative to the placebo group, the supplemented group retained more muscle glycogen and had reduced lactic acid buildup during exercise.

By leveraging 30 years of genomic research, our company, Nu Skin, has placed itself in front of this scientific trend and is a clear leader in the anti-aging industry. This is an amazing breakthrough, and Nu Skin is positioned to take advantage of these developments to provide a new platform of anti-aging products today and well into the future. Find out more about Nu Skin and ageLOC by visiting http://www.nuskin.com.

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