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You don’t really Need to Feel Guilty, Resentful, Angry or Worried

February 8, 2013 By

These are Emotions that Plague Most Caregivers.
Expect Them. Accept them. Let them go.

Family caregivers often feel all of these feelings when they are doing home care for an elderly parent. Along with the emotions of past baggage, there is just no way to do the job well enough. How do you forgive yourself for imperfection and allow yourself to be human, and semi-perfect?

Pushing Guilt

You don’t want to do this to others. There is no need to do it to yourself. What you can do is what you can do. Sure your elderly relative needs more than you can give. Start with that assumption and find other ways to provideit, so it is not just on you. Caregivers can be found for almost any companion and home caregiving service. Get creative about search for other support. Then forgive yourself for anything you alone cannot do without help.

Resenting Your Role

As your primary focus of life becomes caring for another person, especially if you were not planning this particular path, be realistic in the role you expect of yourself. If you can’t change the full extent of your responsibilities, then provide yourself a caregiver or companion. You deserve it. Ask a friend for help for you when your work shift of caring is done. Write your thoughts in a journal. Take steps to release the energy of pent up exhaustion or resentment so it does not explode out on the one person you really want to love and nurture with kindness.

Anger Attacks

Anger can build up into a heart attack, high blood pressure, digestive problems and more. Laugh. Find things to laugh at. Find people to laugh with. Find a way to laugh with the person for whom you are caring. Get a friend to come laugh with you at the end of a day. Counteract anger with breathing, happiness, laughter, and comedy, so it is kept in balance. This is definitely a balancing act, so just plan for it creatively.

Worry Cycles

Have you noticed the escalating cycle with worry? It builds and builds and seems endless. It can disrupt sleep, bottle up in headaches, travel with food right into your mouth when you least want it, and so much more. Being the primary home care giver for a loved one is a worry celebration – guaranteed and endless. So take it by the heels and treat it as a given, and plan a balancing activity from the start. Cycle it right out of your day in routine plans. Schedule distraction. Schedule happiness breaks. Know it will be with you and make plans that will keep it quiet when you don’t need it. At least join a caregiver support group. Know it will be there and it does not need to own you.

Lonely, Oh So Lonely

Isolation from your own life, your friends, your home, your patterns, your happiness, and your world is lonely. Realize it and plan for it. Plan an active social life in a reasonable balance before your helping schedule gets ahead of you. Plan for others to chip in or hiring home care givers to help. Be smart and you can avoid the whole lonely journey. The person you are caring for is also likely to be lonely, so take control of this one before it flattens both of you.

Grieving Endlessly

Face it, the circumstances that have caused the need for your support and service are most likely to be sad, and to be loss related. Whether it is loss of a partner, loss of ability, loss of a mind, loss of a limb or ability to move around or be with others. Loss is loss. One needs to grieve loss. This is real. If you suppress the feelings and pretend they are not needed, it becomes an endless sad journey. Talk about it. Discuss the thing that is lost, explore the feeling together. The more you handle this upfront, and face it, discuss it, and allow the sadness to be there, the less it needs to be unmanageable and control you. You can control it. Cope with grief by realizing it is in the room with you.

Defending Yourself

You are trying your best. Agreed. You are doing your best. Agreed. Then when someone says there is another way you blow up. Suggestions feel more like threats in situations where you are uncertain that your approach is the best one. Realize that you will want to defend your approach. Know there are other ways. If you can accept other ideas without feeling attacked, then you can still do what you do. You can listen, thank someone, and walk away. You can make decisions to accept new advice without having to be or feel embarrassed for your imperfection. Its okay. You are already doing your best. Know it. Let others play the caring game with you.

If you can escape these big traps by planning for them, scheduling options and breaks, and knowing these patterns will be there, then you can put yourself in a position where you can forgive your own imperfection, laugh at your unbelievable situation and sacrifice, and survive it without going nuts yourself. Let others help you.

Based on an article by Home Care Assistance.

Jaleh Neshat, Home Care Assistance, Raleigh, NC, where the focus is on The Balanced Care Method™ for in home care in North Carolina. Read more how-to information on home health care on the website.

Everyone’s Articles – The 919 Local Business Network

You don't really Need to Feel Guilty, Resentful, Angry or Worried

Filed Under: Inside919 Tagged With: Angry, Don't, Feel, Guilty, Need, Really, Resentful, Worried

Don’t discount small beginnings.

December 11, 2012 By

Whether your saving money, growing a business or are trying to personally achieve something, even the smallest steps, in the right direction, will help you attain your goals.

Many new business owners hit the ground running. Sometimes, it’s better to get solid footing before you chose your direction. Some people only understand all or nothing, feast or famine or other extremes. Many business owners spend a lot of money on advertising, expecting immediate results. They get discouraged and then either give up or make extreme changes that doesn’t produce any better results.

Sometimes, the smallest efforts can produce great results. It takes time to build a solid business. Like a snowball, you business will keep growing as it moves along. If you build a solid foundation, not only will you business grow but it will keep growing and stay profitable. One brick at a time=one customer at a time.

Slow and steady wins the race! Make you efforts consistent and well planned out. Use you slow time to devise a marketing strategy for the rest of the year, but also be flexible enough to make the appropriate changes, as needed.

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Don't discount small beginnings.

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Senior Care NC: Eating Habit Changes for Those with Lifelong Habits Who Don’t Want to Change

December 4, 2012 By

It seems that good advice about what foods we should eat appears all around us in the winter. As the weather gets colder we desire warm comfort food instead of picking something fruity and fresh outdoors. Guides are prevalent for healthy winter eating. Then what? Often we just fall into habits. We eat what we like, avoid anything new, and that’s just the way it is.

Changing a habit is difficult, even for the younger change-oriented folks. But people who have done the same thing for seventy or eighty years are not so ready to change without support and creativity from those who spend time with them. We expect them to change overnight of course, just because we say it is better to eat this or that. Let us be reasonable with our requests and our expectations. Make it easy on our elderly friends and relatives with a few habit changing techniques.

The Easy Way to Change a Habit

When we habitually do something, it is connected with a set of behaviors. The sequence of behaviors is triggered and the habit just falls in line with the action that comes before it. Think about the way you put on your shoes. What foot comes first? Habits are like that, just automatic. An easier way to change a habit is to find a creative way to connect it and add it to a sequence of normal behaviors for you.

If you always have a cup of coffee after a meal, then you could add a habit of fresh fruit by having small fruits that you can easily place on the saucer of the cup. You drink the coffee and nibble the berries. Your simple new task is to place the small fruit on the saucer. The rest of your habit sequence is unchanged. If it is easy like that, you may be more likely to add a new item.

Of course this involves someone purchasing the fruit and placing it next to the coffee in the kitchen. A good senior caregiver might take that role for you. Then all you have to do is eat what is on your plate.

One Small Step for Habit Change

Let’s take it one step at a time. What habit would you like to change? In the food category, perhaps adding small amounts of water to your mealtime habits would be a good choice. People who are now in the eighties may not have grown up with the water habit. One could not buy bottles of spring water so easily decades ago.

One can add a good habit to an old one like this. When serving a cup of coffee, keep small bottles of water and glasses next to the coffeemaker. Then pour a little water into a small glass

And serve it with the coffee cup. The only “new” action one needs to take then is to start the habit of sipping the water first. Then reward yourself with the favorite drink afterward.

Action Steps: Which Habit Do You Want to Change?

1. First, pick the new habit you want to add.

2. Pick a habit sequence to modify. Identify a small thing you already do each day.

3. If it is a food or beverage change, connect it to a time of day you already eat.

4. If it is a new type of clothing you want to wear, connected to a dressing habit.

5. Then slip it into that sequence in a way that is as easy as possible.

6. Put a pile of the new food next to the food you already prepare. Put a new clothing item right where your other clothing items are placed.

Make Change So Easy You Don’t Need to Think About It

When you remove the mental or physical blocks to a new habit, by connecting it with things that are familiar and happy activities, it can just fit in easily and become part of your current habit. It doesn’t have to be new or difficult.

Pick a new habit and give it a try. If it works, add another. If it doesn’t, pick a more desirable change and add it with as few restrictions as possible. Then, consider all the healthy winter eating choices you can make, and try them one at a time.

Jaleh Neshat is the owner of “Homecare Assistance Raleigh NC” which provides senior care for families in the Raleigh, NC area. Their “Balanced Care Method ™” caregivers provide emotional, social, nutritional, and physical care.

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Senior Care NC: Eating Habit Changes for Those with Lifelong Habits Who Don’t Want to Change

Filed Under: Inside919 Tagged With: Care, Change, Changes, Don't, Eating, Habit, Habits, Lifelong, Senior, those, Want

Don’t Give Up Your Dreams

November 29, 2012 By

Don’t Give Up Your Dreams

“The arrow that hits the bull’s eye is the result of a hundred misses” is a great saying and means that success is the result of much practice and never quitting. It’s also a comforting saying for those of us who are pursuing dreams that aren’t quite happening the way we envisioned them. There are many stories of people who refused to give up their dreams.

One such person is Ray Charles. Ray lost his sight at the age of six and his mother told him, “Ray, you’ve lost your sight, but you haven’t lost your mind. You can still create a productive life for yourself.”

Those words fostered Ray’s dream of becoming a recording star — not just producing an album — but becoming a star. He would sit and practice the piano and sing every day.

One day a teacher heard him practicing at school and told him, “Ray, you can’t play the piano, and God knows you can’t sing. You’d better learn how to weave chairs so you can support yourself.”

Pretty harsh hey? I wonder how many people would have let such a comment kill their dream. But young Ray didn’t. He kept focused on his goal and went for audition after audition. He was told that he couldn’t carry a tune and would never become a star.

But he still didn’t quit.

We all know that Ray’s perseverance paid off. He’s received countless music awards, won 12 Grammies, and has been inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He has performed before millions of people including presidents and heads of state.

The next time someone tries to shoot down your dream, pick up another arrow and notch it into your bow! Your dream is yours and if you keep true to it and keep persevering, one day you will hit that bull’s eye — just like Ray did! As you aim for your goal, remember that winners never quit and all things are possible if you truly believe they are

Success in life is your choice. What do you choose? Are you allowing dream killers to affect your destiny? Change your life path. Follow your dreams. Take the steps necessary today to achieve them.

I want everyone to understand that no one can take away a dream from you unless you allow it. You have the power. You have the right.

Written by Marq Jeffrey

Donna Petrella

http://donnpetrella.com

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Don’t Give Up Your Dreams

Filed Under: Inside919 Tagged With: Don't, Dreams, Give

You Don’t Need to Know the Answer

November 1, 2012 By

We live in a scared, angry, and confused world right now. There are a lot of business owners struggling to figure out how to sell their products. There are unemployed people struggling to find work. The struggle is almost always unnecessary; there are millions of people who simply haven’t recognized the nature of the real problem. We have a tendency to look for answers and solutions, when in fact, what we need is a connection.

A connection is not a sales lead, a business card, or a phone number. A connection is not a Twitter follower. A connection is not an opt-in to an e-mail distribution list. A connection is heart-to-heart. You know you’ve made a connection when somebody says, “I’m listening,” “I’ve got your back,” “I believe in your vision,” “I care,” or “Is there any way I can help?”

I remember one particularly dark evening in 2009. I was in complete distress. My finances were a disaster. I had no idea what I was going to do. I remember talking to a close friend who lived in Atlanta. She asked me what was going on. I quietly told her that I was scared to death, and I started crying. She didn’t say anything for that moment, but it was a deep and meaningful kind of silence. I don’t remember what was said after that or how the conversation went. But my friend revealed herself to be a true friend. She didn’t have the solution to my problems, but she empathized with me so fully and so completely that I no longer felt like I was alone. In that moment, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

There have been other times when my true friends have helped me indirectly in this same way. I can’t explain exactly how it works, but when I don’t feel alone with my problems, it’s like my personal power comes back on after a blackout. I stop feeling sorry for myself and start thinking clearly again. I stop thinking about doom and gloom, and I start seeing clear, practical action steps. I stop sinking into the quicksand and I start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In 2007, when I started to get out from behind the computer and connect with people, I was able to see new meaning and purpose for my life. It was these simple connections that motivated me to change my eating habits, lose 40 pounds, and stop smoking. I didn’t find new answers or solutions. I just discovered a new reason to make use of the answers I already knew.

It’s unfortunate that people go to business networking groups and never move past the superficial cocktail-party shallowness of “what do you do?” conversations. Frankly, I’d be happy if no one ever asked me “what do you do” again. My closest friends don’t need to ask me for a business card, because they already have my number in their phones and I already have theirs. In my opinion, the purpose of any networking activity—or any group, for that matter—is to create deep connections and drive those connections deeper.

Deep connections save lives, restore marriages, build trust, and fulfill dreams. Those are the kinds of connections we all need more of. The next time you find yourself wondering how to solve a problem, consider what would happen if, instead, you focused your energy on deepening your connections. I promise you that if you deepen your connections, the answer will present itself. It will be a better answer than you ever would have come up with on your own.

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You Don’t Need to Know the Answer

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Don’t Neglect Your Carpets!

October 5, 2012 By

You go to the dentist every 6 months.

You get your oil changed every 3000 miles.

You cut your grass every week…

Why aren’t you getting your carpets cleaned, at least once a year?

Here are a few reasons why you should have your carpets cleaned by an experienced professional, that is reputable.

1) Not only will your carpets look better but the will last longer. Up to 50% longer!

2) Since your carpet is a fabric, it will absorb things like body oils, cooking grease, dirt from the outside, beverage spills and airborne pollutants. Having them cleaned regularly, will remove these items, making them clean and fresh and promote a healthier indoor air environment.

3) Most carpets come with a 5-10 year, stain & wear warranty(Dupont, Monsanto). The warranties state that if you don’t have your carpets cleaned, every 12-18 months, depending on traffic, that you will void your warranty. So cleaning helps protects your carpet investment.

When looking for a carpet care professional, you should ask for references or get a referral from a freind or family member. You could look for someone that belongs to your local chamber of commerce.

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Don't Neglect Your Carpets!

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Don’t Be Tricked Into A Bad Carpet Cleaning Deal!

October 2, 2012 By

You’ve probably seen the advertisements, $ 99 Whole House Special, 3 Rooms for $ 59. These ads are just bait to lure you in. Once you get there, they pressure you to upgrade to a more expensive package. They try to sell you things you really don’t need. If you choose not to opt for the upgrade, they give you a rush job, often doing a less than satisfactory job. What you though was going to be a bargain, turns out not to be. If it sounds to good to be true, it usually is!

Running a carpet cleaning business cost money. If you are legitimate, then you have insurance. There’s also vehicle maintenance, cleaning supplies, gas etc…. In order to turn a profit, you need to charge a fair price. Yes, you can run specials but they need to be reasonable, straight forward and honest.

Don’t be Tricked into a bad carpet cleaning deal. Treat yourself to a good job, done by a reputable cleaning service, that takes the time to do the right job.

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Don't Be Tricked Into A Bad Carpet Cleaning Deal!

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Raleigh Short Sales: Don’t Risk Having Your Short Sale Rejected Because Of Bureaucracy

September 24, 2012 By

Raleigh NC – “I can’t process this short sale without the TPS form filled out with the seller’s full name”, the short sale negotiator told him.

“But, based on my calculations, this short sale will help your company avoid a $ 17,000 loss”, the agent replied.

Click here to discover how other sellers successfully did a short sale and avoided foreclosure.

The agent continued, “So, you’re telling me that unless I can get you the TPS form filled out, then you will reject this short sale and subject your company to a potential $ 17,000 loss?”

“Yes, you are right”, the short sale negotiator replied.

The agent responded, “But $ 17,000 is a lot of money. Don’t you agree?”

“I don’t care about the money. The TPG form is company procedure”, said the short sale negotiator.

The story above illustrates just how crazy short sale lender bureaucracy is today. The guy who told me that story couldn’t remember the form name.

He said it was about as dumb as the infamous “TPS Reports” from the movie Office Space. Many banks turn down short sales over a technicality, only to lose more money thru a foreclosure.

As an example, the house in question sold for $ 117,000 about 12 months ago. Today, comparable homes are selling for $ 90,000 (not a typo.)

In that 12 months, the home’s value dropped by $ 27,000. The bank’s foreclosure process was on track to foreclose on the house in 6 months. It would have taken another 3-6 months to sell the foreclosed house.

That means the value would have dropped by a minimum of three quarters of $ 27,000. That mean the lender would have lost $ 20,000 because they turned down the short sale offer.

Here is what was wrong with the TPS form. One form had “John Arthur” entered for the seller’s name. The short sale negotiator was going to reject the short sale unless his name was changed to “John W. Arthur II.”

Everyone else was ok with the existing paperwork. The title company, the buyer’s mortgage company, and everyone else involved.

The bottom line: A large, nationally know lender was willing to risk losing $ 17,000 because they needed a document to be perfect. Nobody ever asked the stockholders for their opinion.

Hmm. Stockholders actually want to make a profit?!! Who would have thought of that?!!

That’s what short sale bureaucracy does. It hurts the stockholders that owns these banks. It hurts the housing market. And it hurts the economy.

It is also why you need an experienced, competent short sale agent. You need someone who knows how to work with the bureaucracy and get things done. Thinking about a short sale?

I can help you short sale your property and get back on your feet. Send me an e-mail at ken@goldensrealty.com. I will contact you for a free consultation.

When we talk, I will explain how the process works in detail and answer any questions you may have. Or, if you prefer, you can call me at (919) 606-8751

Discover how other sellers successfully completed a short sale and request a free consultation by clicking Deficiency Judgment.

Thinking about a loan modification? Our Raleigh loan modification kit has the instructions you will need to get a loan modification approved with your bank. Click here to request a copy.

Thanks for reading this, Ken Smith.

Ken is a Real Estate Broker at Goldens Realty. Raleigh Short Sales Realtor:

Phone: (919) 606-8751. ken@goldensrealty.com.

Friendly, loyal, intelligent service!

View My homes for sale at www.GoldensRealty.com.

Ken Smith specializes in loan modification assistance and short sales in Raleigh North Carolina. Raleigh Loan Modification Help, Raleigh Short Sales. Raleigh Short Sale Realtor. Raleigh NC Short Sales. Raleigh Realtor.

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Raleigh Short Sales: Don't Risk Having Your Short Sale Rejected Because Of Bureaucracy

Filed Under: Inside919 Tagged With: because..., Don't, having, Raleigh, Rejected, Risk, Sale, Sales, Short